Why narcissists marry

The extreme narcissist might enjoy what another person does for them, but they're unable to value this person or form a meaningful attachment to them. To the extreme narcissist, everyone is expendable. People are interchangeable, depending on the narcissist's needs in the moment. To be in a personal relationship with an extreme narcissist is to never be loved for oneself. Deep down, the extreme narcissist feels inadequate and insecure. As a result, they're tremendously touchy and easily insulted.

They need to surround themselves with fawning acolytes who are constantly building them up. The extreme narcissist needs to be admired and adored. They can't tolerate being questioned or challenged. Their spouse, therefore, must always coddle them and must never, ever make them feel bad about themselves in any way. The extreme narcissist who has wealth or power will seek out a spouse who makes them look good to others; someone who'll boost their fragile ego. They want a spouse who'll give them a strategic advantage in their social or business dealings.

They'll marry someone who's attractive, wealthy or well-connected. Better yet, all of the above. The extreme narcissist tends to go through spouses like they go through any of their other possessions.

They'll get what they need from their spouse and then trade them in for a new model, in the same way as people go for an upgrade on a vehicle. The spouse of the extreme narcissist shouldn't expect to stick around for long, even if they're willing to put up with the narcissist's selfish or hurtful behaviour. The extreme narcissist might be superficially charming to people outside their family but at home, they let their true, nasty colours show.

They desire recognition and praise, so they'll make the effort to butter up those people who'll speak highly of them in public and bolster their reputation. At home, they have no need to be pleasant with their spouse.

The prey has been caught; the trophy acquired. The spouse of the extreme narcissist should expect neglect at best; abuse at worst. There are two types of people who'll marry an extreme narcissist: a people-pleaser or another narcissist. One narcissist will marry another, perhaps even more extreme narcissist, to establish a mutually-exploitative and mutually beneficial relationship. Both narcissists understand that there's no love to be found in this arrangement - which is more like a business transaction than a meaningful, intimate connection.

Both people are using the other in order to facilitate their own goals. It is highly likely that in a marriage to a narcissist, your spouse will define the terms he or she will display double standards.

Can a narcissist change in a way that makes feel that you have lost any say in a marriage? Yes, your spouse may start to demonstrate a lack of willingness to cooperate or compromise with you, and this can have significant negative consequences for your self-worth.

This is another example of how a narcissist changes after marriage. But the fact remains that someone with narcissism will rarely sincerely apologize, lose an argument or resolve a conflict. They have no desire to uphold their marriage vows. They are in the relationship for having their needs met, and not for love. However, your narcissistic spouse may set out to sabotage your celebrations and turn the attention back to them.

This may mean tantrums, dashed plans, and even cancellations with your friends and family thanks to your spouse. So, can a narcissist change after marriage? Often for the worse. Can a narcissist change after marriage in a way that scares you? Often this is because the person with narcissism has conditioned their spouse to do so.

While you may need to walk on eggshells to have any kind of peace, this behavior will empower and encourage him to continue with this pattern. How to help a narcissist change? If you are married to a narcissist, you married somebody who cannot change no matter how much you want them to. You are right in the frontline of a potentially dangerous situation that at the very least will disempower you, and cause you to question your sanity. At worse, this situation could lead to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, PTSD and physical health problems.

Consider confiding in a counselor to talk about your thoughts and feelings in a safe place. If you decide to end the relationship, create a plan and get support to help you along the way. You can heal from a marriage to a narcissist, and learning more about the condition and how to protect yourself is a great first step.

Take Course. These all sound like great qualities in a person, right? Of course not! Despite the many negative qualities of narcissists, they still are able to find people to marry. How does a narcissist view marriage and why would a narcissist marry if they are unable to connect to other people and lack empathy and the ability to understand how someone else might feel? One of the primary reasons a narcissist marries is for convenience. When the narcissist is married, they have ready access to narcisissitic supply.

The narcissist might act superior and with high self-esteem; however, they actually feel inferior and have low self-esteem. They want the world to see them as the grandiose and superior person they pretend to be, however, this can rarely come from within the narcissist because the narcissist experiences feelings of inferiority. The narcissist supply is how the narcissist can refill their declining feelings of superiority.

The narcissistic supply can be obtained through a partner and when the narcissist is married, the partner is convenient and readily available.

A narcissist might also marry to maintain a certain image. The narcissist views their spouse as an extension of themselves. If the narcissist wants to present themselves to the world in a certain way, they will pick a spouse who can help them with that image. This can be based on looks, wealth, or other qualities the narcissist wants to use to their advantage. The narcissist chooses spouses that will help them meet their end goal.